Dear Diary,
by foreverboundtopain
Summary: a short oneshot about naruto's life. basically his feelings before he kills himself, what his last memories were, why he did, etc. some sakura, kakashi, sai bashing. no pairings. contains language, mentions of rape, abuse, death


A/N: i don't own Naruto or any of the characters. (sadly)

i based this off the songs broken, and everybody's fool both by Evanesence.

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Warning! this story contains mentions of rape, abuse, language, and death.

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Dear Diary,

It's hard to believe that no one notices. Its all there standing right infront of them, begging them to notice but still no one does. Kakashi sensei always said to look underneath the underneath. I guess in the end even he couldn't pull that off. They are all blind to my real personality. The me who always hurts. The me who feels like shit everyday of my life. The me that is always sad and lonely, always screaming for someone to notice me, to love me…

I wear a mask every day of my life to hide my inner feelings. But every year around my birthday these thoughts start to become stronger than ever. Today is October 7th. 3 days until my 14th birthday, 3 days until the festival that I'm not allowed to attend, 3 days until I get beaten worse then usual. I can't fight back for numerous reasons. Firstly Kakashi sensei refuses to teach me any fleeing jutsu, no matter how much I plead and beg he still refuses saying I'm not skilled enough or some crap. Secondly, I can't fight the villagers back or even defend my self unless I want to face the council. If that happened I would probably be sentenced to death, or worse, be trained as a wepon under Danzo. His mere name fills me with rage. Lastly, it is tradidion for the villagers to break in to my apartment to find me as the last part of the 'great' celebration.

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I've made a list of all the things I can't do:

eat anything except ramen (all other food is either rotten or poisoned)

go out on October 10th (obviously)

look any villager in the eye (they will beat me)

talk to anyone that knows about the fox (except for ramen people)

walk within a 10 meter radius of any shinobi that is chunnin or higher

go in to any stores in the market (I get my clothes from the dumpster)

need I go on?

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The list goes on and on. I pay my landlord double what I should be, every thing precious to me can be held in one hand, my apartment always reeks of fresh paint cause I have to paint over the villagers graffiti, I have holes in my apartment floor that I've tried patching up, I only have 1 working light bulb (in my room), etc.

Basically: my life sucks!

Sakura beats me to a pulp everyday cause I couldn't bring Sauske back like I promised, Kakashi still refuses to teach me anything that could be helpful, and Sai doesn't know the first thing about emotions. None of them bother to try and see the real me. In reality I'm glad Sauske's gone! I don't want that spoiled basterd back in this dump village. I hope Itachi kills him! Cause itachi was the only nice uchiha I've ever met. He killed his clan because the hokage gave him the mission to do so. That was because the rest of the Uchiha were planning a Coup d' haut. Itachi felt guilty when he saw Sauske and decided to let him live. I'm sure if Itachi knew this is how he would turn out Sauske would have been killed back then with the rest of that god forsaken clan.

I think ill end my life tonight, that baka fox is running out of chakra because of my constant attempts to kill myself. Maybe if I slit my wrists deep enough he wont be able to heal them in time. I'd like to think that he's healing me out of love but that would be a lie. He only heals me out of self preservation. No one has cared about this lost soul before so why would anyone care about me now? I'm just a broken, abused, lonely, depressed adolescent who has never been given a break by that which most call life. Ya, I think killing myself before the villagers kill me is the best way to go…I've already heard rumours about what they plan on doing. I don't thing even _**I**_ would last being beaten, raped, cut into, drowned in acid, and then burned on a cross in the middle of the village. (A.N: imagine how Christ looked cause that's sort of how Naruto would look)

Farwell (hopefully),

Uzamaki Naruto

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A/N: this will probably only be a one shot. i kinda ended it that way so...ya...

Review if you want, flames welcome.


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